Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
