I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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