she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
