I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
