Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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