why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish you could order shots online.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
