i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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