i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im holly from the hills drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
