Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
