It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
