youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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