he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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