Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
