I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
