Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
