I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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