Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
