i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
