Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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