Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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