The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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