This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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