Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
