Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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