Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
