Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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