What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
