Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
