for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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