When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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