obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
