If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
