Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
