Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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