My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
