you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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