I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
