Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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