i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
