all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
