I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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