you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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