where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
