So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
