i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
