hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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