I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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