you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
