This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.