just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
