oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..