Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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