Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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