Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
