i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
