I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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