I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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