Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
