bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
