Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
