you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
