she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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