Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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