ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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