His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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