It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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