So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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