Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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