He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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