On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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