From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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