He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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