Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
